Archive for July, 2012

Cinemalaya 2012 and after wasting away almost a day on my first attempt, I was able to watch at least one film. I went to CCP last Wednesday and it was unsuccessful. I was supposed to watch “Ang Nawawala” with a friend and my partner but we found out that tickets are sold out. No choice but to just buy tickets for the next screening. I’m proud of myself for actually going all the way to CCP (twice) for that even if I really find Manila too far (not to mention the heavy rain that makes the trip to CCP more hassle).

Anyway, the effort was worth it. We finally got to watch Ang Nawawala last Saturday night. Bonus: I bumped into some friends and I even found out that one of my friends was a volunteer for Cinemalaya. I even saw my grade school teacher. Aaaand was able to try Army Navy for the first time. Hah! 🙂

Ang Nawawala was worth it. Kay Enid pa lang sulit na e. Pero seriously, at first I was having some negative thoughts on the film. Baka naglagay lang ng bands para makahakot ng madaming audience. Pero syempre, Marie Jamora is a famous MTV director so why not use her connections diba? Watching the film proved otherwise. It is worth watching not just because of the bands. It’s worth watching because while it showcased the local music scene, it also exposed the reality of the lifestyle of the youth nowadays. Enid hooking up with Gibson felt so real, it’s like listening to a friend’s story about someone he/she met in a gig and dated. I love how the writers did not force the characters to be conservative just to be “more accepted” by close-minded Pinoys.

I also loved the camera angles (especially when Gibson is talking to his brother), the symbolisms and the mise-en-scenes. Ang galing nung sa towel part pero pinakafavorite ko yung scenes na may cameras –  Dawn was using a Mamiya. Buboy was using a new Canon DSLR and Dawn helped her with the flash (For me these symbolizes how Dawn was stuck in the past and how Buboy was trying to move on but he still needs Dawn’s help). I also loved how they used the name “Promise”. Galing nun. It reminded me of the names in Neil Gaiman stories. Funny part: Deng Garcia said “Hi we’re Flying Ipis” on one scene and some of the people laughed like it’s a joke. Tawang-tawa sila marinig yung “Flying Ipis”.

Bottomline: okay yung film. Saktong-sakto lang. Production and story wise okay sya. Tipong sana mapanood ng mas marami pang mga bagets na Pinoy. And yes, yung soundtrack talagang deserving manalo. 😀

Anyway, back to Cinemalaya. It was a shock to see how students and other young people react to actors. Grabe lang yung sigawan. I was in the CR when the noise started and honestly I thought there was an emergency like fire or something. Haha. I’m just not used to this. I remember watching Cinemalaya when I was still a student and I was starstruck on the directors an not on the actors. And, even if these kids are starstruck, they don’t need to scream. Irritating. Haha! Kaya pag malapit sa min yung artista and yung crowd, lumalayo kami. I’d rather go rockstar-hunting than artista-hunting. Haha! I just believe that during film festivals like these, attention should be on the filmmakers.

On being “fangirls”: Sige na nga. Kami rin guilty pero hindi naman kami nagsisigaw dun. I saw my crush on the film and funny how Monique and Allie were pinching me during that scene. Tapos Monique instantly had a crush on Enid so we looked for Annicka Dolonius and we left right after we saw her (no picture taking, no screaming involved). And I thought “hmm, sa collective na lang tayo bumawi sa Ang Nagwawala”.

Aaand.. that’s about it. I haven’t watched any other Cinemalaya 2012 film so I can’t comment on the others. But I think I’d try and watch the other films. Thank God for the UP screening.


synopsis. log line. working script. editing notes. sequence breakdown. c’mon ideas, just rain down on me. so this cold day would turn into the most important project of my life. 


Posted: July 29, 2012 in Uncategorized

i don’t know why i haven’t been writing lately. i was busy, yes. but i don’t take that as an excuse. i think i need to be more focused and weigh my priorities. promise i’ll try to write more often. and i’ll try to write everyday. maybe i just needed a little break. maybe i was preoccupied with my personal project or my work stuff or my anger. i don’t know. maybe i just need (more of want) a new laptop.

the mockery of dreams

Posted: July 16, 2012 in Uncategorized

what would you see if you stare at me while i sleep?

you could look at my face and my wrinkled forehead, try to see through me
and dig deep inside to discover my rants, my raves

you could look at my hair
and fantasize about running your fingers through it

you could look closely at my wounds, realize how terribly broken i am
and crave about touching me while i’m scarred

you could hear the music that lulls me in my sleep
and be cradled with the sound that comforts me when i close my eyes

you could take a peek into my dream
and break your heart about pretenses and promises and
hopes and aspirations

you can think of all the things we could do

the places we could go
the songs and the books and the poems and the films
we could share
the ways we could change the world
or maybe you can ponder on the impossibility of things

you are capable of the mockery of dreams
but it might not work as planned

as you silently drift into that dreaming state to join
i will wake up and walk away

we will find ourselves catching fragments of our dreams
trying to piece them together to form a reality that
will shatter all realities
but we might wake up too soon to even recognize that

CherryRed 071612

Ode to Karen O.

Posted: July 16, 2012 in Uncategorized


I love the way you carry that mushroom hair.
And I love the way you jump and twist on stage.
And I love the way you close your eyes.
as if hypnotized by the sound,
lulled by the feedback and the screams of your fans.
Shriek and shout and sing for me dear.

CherryRed 070912

Yeah! Looking forward to our next adventure!

Watch our Ilocos Adventure video here:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found thesupport system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don’t believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Somebody posted this on Facebook and tagged me. I never had experiences that are as grave as the ones posted above but I did go through being judged and humiliated for being a lesbian. Reading this, I realized how lucky I am to have a family who accepts me for who I am. I have a daughter who loves me despite having a different family set-up. I have a partner who loves and takes care of me and my little girl. And I have friends who support me.

After that happy realization, sadness hit me. I feel bad for those people who had to give up their families because of what society thinks of them and because of what society dictates. I feel angry that some LGBTs took their lives because they felt unloved and unaccepted. I hate it that crimes against LGBTs are still rampant. I may be brave and open in terms of voicing out what I feel and who I am, but I admit that the whole discrimination thing makes me so afraid sometimes. Okay, I’ll remove the negativity and rephrase that last sentence… I may not be having experiences as tough as other LGBTs but I admit that there is still a lot of things I am hoping for as a lesbian.

I hope my daughter won’t be judged for having a lesbian mom. My kid is smart and talented and loving, and it would be very unfair for her to be discriminated, bullied and made fun of just because she belongs to a different family. I hope that when something bad happens to me, my partner would have the right to take care of my kid. I hope that society accepts us. I hope they understand.

And if they don’t? To hell with them. Some people think they know a lot and are so quick to judge. Well, here’s my message for you: Don’t hate us if we LGBTs have the balls to stand up after everybody else in the world pushes us down. Don’t hate us if we can smile and laugh our hearts out despite being discriminated. Don’t hate us for being a big happy community. Don’t hate us for having families happier than yours.

Yes, we are happy people. Why do you think we were called GAY in the first place? Smile my dear LGBT (and straight) friends who are experiencing discrimination. It would get better soon. I’m sure it will. 🙂

CherryRed 070512