Archive for April, 2015

“Phototaxis is a kind of taxis, or locomotory movement, that occurs when a whole organism moves towards or away from stimulus of light. This is advantageous for phototrophic organisms as they can orient themselves most efficiently to receive light for photosynthesis. Phototaxis is called positive if the movement is in the direction of increasing light intensity and negative if the direction is opposite.”

What struck me is that I often don’t know what I really want. And most of the time I am caught between going towards or away from the light. Spinning towards the dark has always satisfied my craving for adventure. You see, when you have no clarity of tomorrow, everything feels so new. You feel so limitless. It’s as if you’re free. It feels like being kept in a cellar for years and you finally found the keys to your ball and chain. When you are lost, it doesn’t matter which direction to take because any path could be the right one.

Exploring darkness is more exciting than staring point blank at a bright white light. But who defines which is the brighter light? If I am a moth flying with a thousand of my kind, my reflex would most often than not leave me going towards the opposite direction. I guess there is something about going against the norms that amuses me.

The problem is when I get to the point where I am looking for a consolation. Looking for a middleground amidst all this madness.

No clarity of tomorrow. Letting go of a bright white light to feel the need to explore darkness. How can such a choice be negative? My thousand moth friends would surely shake their heads at my decision. How could you even bother to go there? They will tell me. And I will give them a timid smile as I fly towards the opposite direction. See there are many choices in life and having unapologetic disregard for the norm doesn’t automatically mean that I’m wrong. If I am, who cares? I’d rather go fly to it and be consumed by the darkness. My moth friends who are off to the “right direction” are just going to be killed by a big burning flame anyway. If we are all going to die in the end, why shouldn’t i enjoy this life at least?

Darkness is a big word. But hey, what is dark to you might be the brightest for me. The light in which we swirl closer and closer to each day is not only bright, but is burning. It burns us everytime and we are always there – ready to be consumed. Winds flapping to reach the fire. Smiling everytime our skin gets pierced by the heat.

Turns out, I made the right choice anyway.

CherryRed December 2014

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truth or truth

Posted: April 16, 2015 in Uncategorized

4 nights, 3 bottles of liquor, 8 films, one “non working holiday”.

we talk like there is always something to talk about. we laugh like mad children. we grope on each other knowing we can get a dose of heat, just enough for the 3am cold. and we laugh about the sun rising on us again but it was never time to sleep yet. there is never enough time to talk about our endless wants and desires and passions that keep us going even if we have to walk blocks and blocks to get to somewhere. we talk about our passions as if our lives depended on them. as if food is only an accessory. there is always more things we wanted to do, together and on our own. this gives me the push to keep going. we talk about people’s pretensions and our truthfulness without really spilling the truth. my tongue carefully latching on to the things i want to remain a mystery.

and then we played a game that extended the end of the night from 7am to 930. of course i am not complaining. i never did. have you noticed? i didn’t care much about eating late, or staying up till morning, or walking and walking and walking. i did not give a damn about cheap liquor, because hey, we both know our highs depended on something stronger. something even we cannot understand.

CherryRed January 2015